I always apply my makeup before I get where i'm going.
My mother told me once that men don't like to see you become beautiful, they just like it to be that way when they show up. I make sure to not fix my face for that reason alone.
I went straight to the restroom when I arrived tonight and although I looked exactly how I looked when I left the house ten minutes before it was reassuring...there's always a holding of breath, an expecting of the worse, when it comes to my looks and travel. There was a moment where I was alone, which I appreciated, but then a woman came in and stood next to me to do what I was doing. We'd both pulled out our individual brushes and blushes and lip balms (me) and brownish pinkish lipglosses (her). She patted a bit of blush on the apples of her cheeks while I brushed bronzer over mine and, although it was completely unchoreographed, we both put a bit of our preferred powder on our forefingers and slid it down the bridge of our noses since that's where people bronze and blush to look natural, although there isn't anything natural about a glow in the early spring. I remember looking over when she did that and thinking, "She's got a very large nose, i'm glad mine doesn't protrude as much as hers does", mostly because I hated my nose for quite a while and still consider rhinoplasty a surgery I would go through with if I had the money. Once i'd torn myself from my own reflection I realized that her nose wasn't the only big thing about her, and being a big girl I rarely feel small next to anyone. She towered over me on little heels that seemed as if they hurt her feet. Her body was wider and heftier than mine, but she wasn't fat, just hippy. I'd glanced at her hands (as I glance at everyone's hands) and once i'd given her a once over I connected the width of her hips and her lack of a wedding ring, as if they had anything to do with each other. Maybe they do. Maybe a conforming beauty is the key to life with a partner and a beauty that moves with rhythm and energy, that is different, jolie laide, lively, out of control, is how you know a woman will be alone.